A time comes in your life when you finally get it . . .
When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks
and somewhere, the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting
down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or
twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes, you begin
to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening…
You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change,
or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.
You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not
Cinderella and that in the real world, there aren’t always fairy tale endings
(or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of “happily ever after”
must begin with you and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of
acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone
will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are . . . and that’s
OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn
the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process, a
sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or
didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really
count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and
that not everyone will always be there for you and that it’s not always about
you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the
process, a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as
they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the
process, a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you, is
a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your
psyche. You begin to sift through all the junk you’ve been fed
about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh,
what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how
and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should
marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and
raising children or what you owe your parents.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin
reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn
the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the
doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin
with and in the process, you learn to go with your instincts.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is power and
glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely
as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the
outdated ideals of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together the
foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don’t know everything; it’s not your job to save the world
and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt
and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say
NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and
that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love,
how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You
learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.
You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or
important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your
name.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have
them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love; and you learn
that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms, just to make you
happy.
You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You look in the mirror and come to
terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop
trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you
“stack up.”
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing
things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are
perfectly OK and that it is your right, to want things and to ask for the things
that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness,
sensitivity and respect and you won’t settle for less. You allow only the hands
of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his touch and in the process,
you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it
and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water
and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit
and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. Just as food fuels
the body, laughter fuels our soul; so you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that for the most part in life, you get what you believe you deserve
and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing
for something to happen, is different from working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction,
discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and
that it’s OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of
all time; FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears,
because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear,
is to give away the right to live life on your terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of
impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what
you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good
people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. You learn that
God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers; it’s just life
happening.
You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego. You learn that
negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and
redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the
universe that surrounds you.
You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we
take for granted; things that millions of people upon the earth can only
dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed,
a long hot shower.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself and you make
yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less
than your heart’s desire.
You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind, and you
make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every
wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a
stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want
to live as best as you can.
~By Virginia Marie Swift~
